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Reflections

It's been awhile, how are you?


Three years have passed in what seems like the blink of an eye. My hair is starting to grey, the smile lines are setting in a bit deeper, my jaw angled and elongated with maturity, my body officially in womanhood.


I've changed... in every way – physically, emotionally, mentally.


Play time @ Yoga Union, Ubud, Bali 2019

Physically, I've lost 40 pounds of stress and poor behavior related weight, yet gained several new injuries that hallmark some much needed lessons on aging. My knees are a little wobbly, but I've also proven to be a much more diverse athlete than previously expected

Emotionally, I've come to deep self-awareness. My heart operates from compassion and understanding, no longer taking things personally instead choosing love and acceptance. I know my needs and desires and can speak them confidently. I can take responsibility for my actions, knowing their intentions.

Mentally, my old conditioning is almost humorous when I observe from my highest-self. Patterns of the past no longer resonate as new paradigms are exposing themselves, eager to revolutionize my perception. And after a few psychedelic journeys, well... the lines of 3D reality tend to blur much more often, hinting at the endless possibilities of our collective consciousness.


I love deeper...

So.

Much.

Deeper.

... with every single molecule of the universe.

May it be a person or a plant, the sun or the moon, the tide as it rolls in or the way fire

dances – I've fallen deeply in love with everything. When my heart is sent into a tizzy of emotions, buzzing erratically to the resonance of light, I get swept up in the vast connectivity of our universe. Love can look like drinking a fresh coconut after a long workout... feeling the cells at the end of my fingertips individually reaching toward a coconut for nourishment, smelling the sweet nuttiness as each scent molecule dances into my nose, my eyes rolling back in pleasure as my tongue experiences the refreshing coolness of nature's most delicious water. Love has also looked like making bold choices on people... Following the ringing instinct to pursue, curious as to why the inner panther in me wants to strike, only to be met by the most delicious synchronicities shared at UNESCO World Heritage sites or sitting poolside, watching the sun rise, beside a friend who's become more like a soul sister.

It's in these moments I've experienced God and seen the Truth in Faith.



Shibari by Kati Bird in Koh Phangan, Thailand 2022

This brings me to surrender, a sultry and elusive minx. I didn't understand what it meant to just BE until I met her. Surrender loves to slink in and out of my life, challenging my ability to release control - of the situation, an outcome, my self. It took courage to trust someone I hardly knew to tie me up that led me to finally feel the embodied release of surrender. Allowing myself to submit to the dynamic and compassionate ropes of Shibari sent me into a theta realm where I came face to face with my fears, discomfort, and insecurities. But being bound, unable to physically release myself from the burning threads rubbing into my thigh and numbing blood flow to my feet, forced me to experience inner release, the release of attachment to external outcome. I was forced to create peace within in order to experience it outward. So, I began to surrender in all ways – my thoughts, perception, conditions, reactions, expectations, you name it. In the ropes, I could experience a heightened version of my inner-world. It illuminated the permanence and impermanence of emotions: how fleeting they can be when one's willing to let go, yet how conversely augmentative should one decide to embody. The lesson being: I AM, not my emotions or thoughts.


And so I've learned to trust. Trust that the universe has my back, that I can co-create my experience, that I am capable of attracting everything I desire, that even the most cataclysmic events are for my greatest good. I've learned to protect my trust from the manipulative lower vibrations of unilluminated individuals who seek to steal light. I've learned to share my trust with nature, allowing her to guide me back to a main road when I've been lost in the jungle. While my trust with the universe seems to have grown, it is trust within myself that requires more cultivation. I recognize that when I choose to shy from Surrender, Trust falls along with it... they go hand in hand.


As I reflect on the lessons of three years and 10 countries later, I see how embodied Love, Compassion, Surrender, and Trust, all wrapped up in a blanket called Faith, has brought me closer to Source, closer to Connection, and closer to my Self. The gratitude I feel swells my heart and explodes it back into the system, sharing with anyone willing to receive. Now, I consider my next steps... how can I share my new magic with the world?

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